Undercover Over-Lover 5/30

You can't tell
And sometimes neither can I
I stay in disguise
Can hardly tell between truth and lie

I'm undercover
A cop
A blue-collar
A pig

But for all intents and purposes
What lies beneath the surface
Of me
And my thoughts
Is him
And my emotions

You see I'm undercover
But I'm not a real cop
No
I'm an undercover overlover

Wait.
Allow me to explain
You see I love passionately
Tenderly
Sexually
Lustfully
Cautiously
Intellectually
Emotionally
Spiritually
And unfortunately.....
Sorta redundantly

I'm a china dish
Delicate and dainty
And also
Breakable and expensive

So I go undercover
Disguise myself
Make myself plastic
Unbreakable
With a tupperware feel
Cheap, even

Can't get hurt so easily
Won't break
The shards of glass that makes up my natural exterior
Are underwraps
Bubblewrapped
Unseen

But its all a lie
I'm an undercover over-lover

I love so hard I hurt myself
Eventually break myself
And as a result
Lose a part of myself

Cuz China's only so strong
Even if put in a tupperware costume
There comes a time where the faux exterior falls

Your Bed (4/30)

I'm laying in your bed
On your side
Where you lied
Throughout the nite
For years up until
Two weeks before you suddenly died

I'm laying in your bed
And almost 7 years later
It still stings even 10 times greater
To accept that you're dead

I'm laying in your bed
Where I now sleep nightly
Clutching my--your blankets tightly
Thoughts of losing your other half ring frighteningly
Disturbing me
Yet slumber coaxing me
With your memory

I'm laying in your bed
'Fraid to sleep in my own space
Cuz since last November my mind refuses to erase
The pain that brought tears I never thought I'd have to face
Over her

She's still here
And I'm grateful
But I'm scared
And you're gone already
With your treasures still aligned throughout the room

I'm laying in your bed
Looking around
She's turned your closet to her spot for her best gowns
But there's still the toys you loved
The Singing Bass, JazzMan, Black Santa and Train Clock
Sitting above

My head
Alongside the headboard
Your passing was so sudden and deep many were left scorned
And burned
And emotionally worn

But as I lay in your bed
I realize how Blessed I am
To have had you in my Life
And her still here as a symbol
Of everything Good
And your memory around the room
Confirms I've nothing to fear

RIP Granddad (Aug 11, 1924-Dec 08, 2003)
A reflection

Temporary Distraction (3/30)

I paid no attention as I focused my attention
On other things
Inside your space, outside your aura, around our shared environment
Your were...

....Invisible

I didn't see you
Weren't checking
Nothing
Blind

Our eyes met when I drew you in from my peripheral
Locked for a second
Then I looked away
To focus on my drink
My food
A convo with my homegirl
A text my guy sent me

But clearly you're interested

Ask for my name
Number
When you can take me out
All while giving me hugs
And stroking my hair
Complimenting my curves on my small frame
And smile

All the while I
Sip my mojito
Take a bite out of my hummus pita
Tell my homegirl I'm headed to the restroom
Respond to my guy's text

And bat an eyelash and smile and laugh at your
Small jokes
Attempts to get me interested
In you
Or at least, the "you" put on display

You ask if I have a guy, if I'm single at all
I don't deny, but to protect your game and ego I
Just nod my head slowly
With a passionate yet discreet, "and its getting serious" look on my face

I know I'm not interested
But
You know I'm entertained
You're a very brief, very temporary and thereby insignificant
Distraction

And I appreciate your efforts

But I've gotta take this phone call

He needs me....

Regal Tress (2/30)

Natural hair don't care
Wild and untamed standing absent-mindedly in mid-air
Onlookers wonder why or how and even what
But it's just there
It's just there

Without a care

Filled to it's fuzzy, curly, kinky brim with flair
Fashionably fit to be the focus of the focal
Oooh that hair
Folks who can't fanthom stop and stare
Create a wrath with the beauty in order to parallel or offset its wonder

Those locs tied down, pinned back and locked
Holds a volume--a stance that's so effortlessly rocked
Possessing a vulnerability with little compatibility by anything other than its likeness

Deep breaths and shallow exhales
Beholds a glorious wonder within
...the strands that have a natural penchant to silently chant and proudly stand

Here to stay and stay to hear
Witnessing the wonder that is a black woman's natural hair!

(c) Ms_Slim

Spoon-Fed (1/30)

I wanna write about you
But I'm right about you
Conflicts with my frontal as I battle a heart that'll bleed out its cavity
And onto the floor

Still, I...

....I wanna hold you
Mold you--through the dry spells where you break and I phlebotomize
I wonder and hypothesize
Not of the realness we possess but the tests given and the ratio of pass/fail
And margin of error

...United stand
Apart fall
Fell
Failed
Fail

Wait and anticipate a ringing sensation that isn't just orgasmic
But also beautifully tragic....

April's 30/30....

Wow! Its really been 3 month since I've posted here, huh? Fact is....aside from having so much going on, its also harder for me to write anything marginally good when everything in Life is going well. May not make much sense but I def work best when ubder pressure, when I'm "feeling some kinda way"...when I'm down out and depressed. For the most part, I've been too happy to construct anything "meaningful",but....

Its now springtime and April, which all translates to it being Poetry Month. So of course this means......New 30/30. I slacked terribly last time on the 30/30, but I'm going to put forth a greater effort this go round. Just watch.....

Ms_Slom :)

Untimed Change 5/30

Untimed Change (5/30)


New year
Same me
Time changes
But changes aren't timed

Goals can be set
Closets cleaned
Resolutions renewed
And expectations heightened
But I'm me
And time changes
But changes aren't timed

Masterpieces have no deadlines
Brilliance can't be rushed
Or forcibly created
With the man-made structure of "time" as a sole reason of motivation
Cuz yes, time changes
But changes aren't timed

People said 'Things will be fine in 2009'
And it's: "My Life Begins in 2010"
I see the method in the madness...
...And the moot

Pursue that goal or dream
Drop that weight
Pay down that debt
Create your own contractual terms
Obligatory motives make for decreased motivation..
...And a lack of responsibility held

Keep in mind:
Time changes
But changes aren't timed



HAPPY NEW YEAR, Everyone!!!!