There's Nothing...8/30

Sidebar: This 30/30 is clearly going to go well past April....but the poetry will still be tagged under "April Poetry Month". #DontJurgeMe

There's nothing here to see
Or anything for you to do
Theres nothing to feel
Touch
Smeel
Taste

Gone...

The emotions, still resonating
Just a bit
Lingering on for dear life
Why? Well I've no clue
But they're there
But still....
There's nothing

We both know there's used to be a "something"
A secret
A lie, perhaps
Or maybe it was a truth
Disguised as something in dark clothing we both should have taken heed to long ago

Whatever the case

There's no longer a need to
Feel
Be
Think of
Reminisce on
Or even desire

Because whatever "it" was has been over for ages
Can we both attest to that? Certainly
I've just got to
Sometimes remind myself that
These little feelings of
Love I have--though Im clearly no longer "in"
Are no longer

There's nothing.

Just Cause...7/30

Just cause I havent posted in a while
More like a week and a half
Maybe longer

Doesnt mean
That my mind isnt racing
Pacing
Many time's facing
And going over
Many thoughts
Often in prose
Or lyrical form
Rhyme
Poem

Just cause I'm private on my personal life
Keep it to myself
Hold it close like Jay and Bey
And refuse to tell just any ol' body what's going on with me
And mine
And him
And us

Doesnt mean
That it doesnt exist
Or that I can't resist
His touch
Or kiss
Or that my life is devoid of a relative bliss

Just cause I'm busy 8 out of 7 days
And 37 out of 24 hours
Going over my plans
My future
My family
And developments
And coming additions
Surrounding that
And beyond

Really doesn't mean
That I won't
Can't
Or shadn't make time for you
Cause believe it or not
Your story inspires and influences
My life and direction in some
Vicarious way that I can't explain

Just cause I'm a little selfish
And the other part selfLESS
With the goings on in my daily
That have my mind warped around certainty and "maybe"
Half the time
No.....most

Doesn't mean
That when I'm at my selfless portal of thought
And giving myself
And stretching myself thin
That it is okay
To go with said "flow" and
Push the proverbial "envelope" just to see
How far
Or thin
I can stretch

Trust that when I break
I bleed
And trust that my heart
Though it isn't worn fashionably on my sleeve
It's generally open
But closed a bit from past pains
And heartaches

So just know that
Just because I may not be around
Or available when you call
Or need/want to see/chat with me
Things are fine
There comes a time when
We all need to sort through our Life
And shift through the Junk
To find our Center
And clear our Cipher

I'm fine...

Mates for the Soul (6/30)

He looks into her eyes
Dark brown with golden flecs when the sun hits them
"Almost like looking into a mirror, those eyes", he thinks
Except she's got an Asian undertone about the lids
While his are more slanted and rounded inward

She looks into his pools
Same shape as hers
Maybe a little more squinty
Especially when he is inebriated
But generally similar
Nonetheless

They arent related
Blood only by heritage
Race and culture are the only things that deem them "brother and sister"
They aren't the same
But they are one

They immediately feel a comfort
A balance
An altogether completeness that has never been felt before
With anyone else in like positions

Friends
Best friends
Lovers
Connected

Chats of.....
Intimacy based on.....
The eyes that lock speak a volume so loud they could deafen a crowded room
They don't need to speak
But they do
Even when they don't
That's their "us"

A growing relationship
Plus a connection so strong amongst
Two parallelled individuals
Has equaled
A bliss that captivates and inspires
Onlookers

With the eyes that lock
And the lips that meet
And the touch that electrifies
Their souls
Leave them in a No Outlet Zone
And they can only move upwards

Because the Name of their Love
Needs no title from anyone but them
For they are the authors and illustrators
Of their soul connectedness

Undercover Over-Lover 5/30

You can't tell
And sometimes neither can I
I stay in disguise
Can hardly tell between truth and lie

I'm undercover
A cop
A blue-collar
A pig

But for all intents and purposes
What lies beneath the surface
Of me
And my thoughts
Is him
And my emotions

You see I'm undercover
But I'm not a real cop
No
I'm an undercover overlover

Wait.
Allow me to explain
You see I love passionately
Tenderly
Sexually
Lustfully
Cautiously
Intellectually
Emotionally
Spiritually
And unfortunately.....
Sorta redundantly

I'm a china dish
Delicate and dainty
And also
Breakable and expensive

So I go undercover
Disguise myself
Make myself plastic
Unbreakable
With a tupperware feel
Cheap, even

Can't get hurt so easily
Won't break
The shards of glass that makes up my natural exterior
Are underwraps
Bubblewrapped
Unseen

But its all a lie
I'm an undercover over-lover

I love so hard I hurt myself
Eventually break myself
And as a result
Lose a part of myself

Cuz China's only so strong
Even if put in a tupperware costume
There comes a time where the faux exterior falls

Your Bed (4/30)

I'm laying in your bed
On your side
Where you lied
Throughout the nite
For years up until
Two weeks before you suddenly died

I'm laying in your bed
And almost 7 years later
It still stings even 10 times greater
To accept that you're dead

I'm laying in your bed
Where I now sleep nightly
Clutching my--your blankets tightly
Thoughts of losing your other half ring frighteningly
Disturbing me
Yet slumber coaxing me
With your memory

I'm laying in your bed
'Fraid to sleep in my own space
Cuz since last November my mind refuses to erase
The pain that brought tears I never thought I'd have to face
Over her

She's still here
And I'm grateful
But I'm scared
And you're gone already
With your treasures still aligned throughout the room

I'm laying in your bed
Looking around
She's turned your closet to her spot for her best gowns
But there's still the toys you loved
The Singing Bass, JazzMan, Black Santa and Train Clock
Sitting above

My head
Alongside the headboard
Your passing was so sudden and deep many were left scorned
And burned
And emotionally worn

But as I lay in your bed
I realize how Blessed I am
To have had you in my Life
And her still here as a symbol
Of everything Good
And your memory around the room
Confirms I've nothing to fear

RIP Granddad (Aug 11, 1924-Dec 08, 2003)
A reflection

Temporary Distraction (3/30)

I paid no attention as I focused my attention
On other things
Inside your space, outside your aura, around our shared environment
Your were...

....Invisible

I didn't see you
Weren't checking
Nothing
Blind

Our eyes met when I drew you in from my peripheral
Locked for a second
Then I looked away
To focus on my drink
My food
A convo with my homegirl
A text my guy sent me

But clearly you're interested

Ask for my name
Number
When you can take me out
All while giving me hugs
And stroking my hair
Complimenting my curves on my small frame
And smile

All the while I
Sip my mojito
Take a bite out of my hummus pita
Tell my homegirl I'm headed to the restroom
Respond to my guy's text

And bat an eyelash and smile and laugh at your
Small jokes
Attempts to get me interested
In you
Or at least, the "you" put on display

You ask if I have a guy, if I'm single at all
I don't deny, but to protect your game and ego I
Just nod my head slowly
With a passionate yet discreet, "and its getting serious" look on my face

I know I'm not interested
But
You know I'm entertained
You're a very brief, very temporary and thereby insignificant
Distraction

And I appreciate your efforts

But I've gotta take this phone call

He needs me....

Regal Tress (2/30)

Natural hair don't care
Wild and untamed standing absent-mindedly in mid-air
Onlookers wonder why or how and even what
But it's just there
It's just there

Without a care

Filled to it's fuzzy, curly, kinky brim with flair
Fashionably fit to be the focus of the focal
Oooh that hair
Folks who can't fanthom stop and stare
Create a wrath with the beauty in order to parallel or offset its wonder

Those locs tied down, pinned back and locked
Holds a volume--a stance that's so effortlessly rocked
Possessing a vulnerability with little compatibility by anything other than its likeness

Deep breaths and shallow exhales
Beholds a glorious wonder within
...the strands that have a natural penchant to silently chant and proudly stand

Here to stay and stay to hear
Witnessing the wonder that is a black woman's natural hair!

(c) Ms_Slim

Spoon-Fed (1/30)

I wanna write about you
But I'm right about you
Conflicts with my frontal as I battle a heart that'll bleed out its cavity
And onto the floor

Still, I...

....I wanna hold you
Mold you--through the dry spells where you break and I phlebotomize
I wonder and hypothesize
Not of the realness we possess but the tests given and the ratio of pass/fail
And margin of error

...United stand
Apart fall
Fell
Failed
Fail

Wait and anticipate a ringing sensation that isn't just orgasmic
But also beautifully tragic....

April's 30/30....

Wow! Its really been 3 month since I've posted here, huh? Fact is....aside from having so much going on, its also harder for me to write anything marginally good when everything in Life is going well. May not make much sense but I def work best when ubder pressure, when I'm "feeling some kinda way"...when I'm down out and depressed. For the most part, I've been too happy to construct anything "meaningful",but....

Its now springtime and April, which all translates to it being Poetry Month. So of course this means......New 30/30. I slacked terribly last time on the 30/30, but I'm going to put forth a greater effort this go round. Just watch.....

Ms_Slom :)

Untimed Change 5/30

Untimed Change (5/30)


New year
Same me
Time changes
But changes aren't timed

Goals can be set
Closets cleaned
Resolutions renewed
And expectations heightened
But I'm me
And time changes
But changes aren't timed

Masterpieces have no deadlines
Brilliance can't be rushed
Or forcibly created
With the man-made structure of "time" as a sole reason of motivation
Cuz yes, time changes
But changes aren't timed

People said 'Things will be fine in 2009'
And it's: "My Life Begins in 2010"
I see the method in the madness...
...And the moot

Pursue that goal or dream
Drop that weight
Pay down that debt
Create your own contractual terms
Obligatory motives make for decreased motivation..
...And a lack of responsibility held

Keep in mind:
Time changes
But changes aren't timed



HAPPY NEW YEAR, Everyone!!!!

Contradicting Mirror (4/30)

Contradicting Mirror



I'm closed off
Yet I'm
Open
Hate vulnerability
Yet I'm
An emotional wreck
A perfectionist by design
But I've been
Bred thru a world of imperfect falsehoods

I feel a lot
Til my
Heart bleeds but
I refuse to hurt again
Love
Again

I see what's what
Yet I'm
Blind and blocked and
Find myself spending time filling the empty spaces with
Hope and love

Or is it that I have hope for love?
Imperfections are more than
Average
Perfections are only slightly less than
The mean

Or do I mean
That I just hope
That my love can
Fill the time and space
And gaps of
Emptiness and depression
With an overall feeling of
Contented happiness?

I doubt it.

Free Prisoner (3/30)

She's a busybody
A self-proclaimed "SuperWoman"
She cooks, cleans, and takes care of others
She's talented, intelligent, and gifted
She holds a college degree and an important job and recently received a promotion for her efforts
She's got it all.

People compliment her striking outside beauty and take notice of her attraction within.
She's strong and willing
She's confident and a healthy mix of selfish and selfless
And people see...but they don't.

They see the masks she wears for the public eye
They see the time she takes out but don't realize its all part of a big lie
Yes she's all you think she may be
But at the same token, she's more
More than you've ever bargained for, from the bookkeeping of a reserved store

She's happy but not satisfied
Fulfilled in all aspects of life still seem to leave her with an empty soul
She's whole and complete and can stand on her own 2 feet
But something deep within leaves her unable to conquer the invisible and intangible feat.

Depression and Insomnia are 2 friends she has but never knew she needed
They show up at her mental doorstep every now and again
Unannounced and definitely uninvited
And always come w/a set of luggage she can never house
Yet they don't take a hint.

They'll leave when they're ready
Their favorite games are hide and seek, peek-a-boo and freeze tag
At times they play w/each other but never without her
Against her will

She's a prisoner still.
Of the free variety.

"Blessed" (haiku) 2/30

"Blessed". 2/30 of the 30/30 exercise


Blessed is me. And you.
Together. Combined. As one.
Strength + Love = Blessed is us.

insomnia: Redux

(This is Part 2 of my Insomnia poem I posted here a while ago).....I am also participating in a 30/30 w/one of my friends + a group of other writers. In addition, I'm presently posting this piece from my SlimBerry. We'll see how this goes :). Enjoy!


Insomnia: Redux!

Dammit!

I'm still--
Nocturnally unbalanced and unfulfilled
My mind's clouded and reeled
Going back and forth between my mental and reality-----How do I deal?

.....Adequately?
Or at least at a sufficient pace?
Or speed--not to fast to reach an irreversible mode of insanity but just quick enough to erase

Or temporarily put to rest
The things on my mind that's heavily weighing
During the wee hours as I'm constantly contemplating
The equation that's to measure and equal my thoughts [divided by] sleep [to equal] me being at my best

But as I can attest
I tend to reach a 'peak' or 'prime' or 'record best'
When my body's a bit weary, my mind's busy and fried, there's a million things for me to do, and I'm stressed beyond deny

They say sleep keeps us functioning and up to speed
I say I've never really claimed the "Normalcy"
...Of those "theys"--couldnt sympathize with those needs
I'm "weird" and Insanity's a friend of mine
Genius is my homie and the trio of us is quite divine....

Beautiful Lie

Beautiful Lie........

Written: 16 Aug 2009

He sees a promising "us"
A world inspired by much
Encompassed in little to no fuss
A life treated with delicate care and a tender touch
And all the embodiments of a life complete:
Love
Support
Trust

It's his "us"

She feels her connection with him is real
The flame ignited between the two of them is all she can truly feel
She moves forward and continues to progress in life but it's only for him would she retreat and reel...
...back to him if he leaves or they part off their much complicated emotional wheel
Her heart is locked to all, but for him, it's unlocked and open for him to steal

When the mirrors are removed and the smoke clears
The mental unclogs and the picture unsmears
What seams far fetched and distant is brought to the forefront, out from the rear

Our own perceptions can take over reality, filling our own heads with lies
Lies so beautiful we can't trust our own minds
The truth is plan to see but our brains make it a near impossibility

If we trust our eyes we'll see that Life's truth isn't far away, tucked down, or left behind
It's oftentimes right in front of our faces; we just can't be afraid to explore what lies inside the depth of our eyes versus the desire hidden within the back of our minds


Mal S

No Pity Party

No Pity Party

In my gloom, come ride with me…or I with you
Take me onto a journey far from my person
An out of body experience would be most appreciated
But por favor, no pity parties

Let’s not bring up the shortcoming I have
Or make mention of my black cloud that’s lingering
It’ll go away once we focus on you…and “us”
And other elements of the outside world
But alas…no pity parties

Let’s not talk about me today
But if by chance I need to vent, all I ask is that you please just be that ear with no mouth
No comforting words or questions plugging for a solution to my problem
No need to try and relate to make me feel so un-alone. It won’t work because I relish in my uniqueness
Allow me to speak, but again—no pity parties

If I’ve vented, let’s move on and erase my day in ice cream
Or a walk on the beach
Perhaps the hustle and bustle surrounding Grant Park & Michigan Avenue will drown out the noise that’s going on in my head
Of course I’ll never tell you this
Cuz a Party of Pity I do not want

I just wanna relish in the sight, smells, and sounds of you—of “us”
I want to build our world without hesitation or reconsideration depending upon my emotional situation
If I’m sad, let me be
But fill my heart, mind, and soul with a natural and unforced peace

I appreciate all you do and your ingenuity does not go unnoticed
I just ask that if I’m haywired mentally and supremely unfocused
And if I’m feeling depressed with my peak dipped down at its lowest
As long as there are no balloons made of tears and cake dressed in sorrow
I promise that there’ll be a better day for me tomorrow
As long as it doesn't include another party

War of Worlds...with no "L"

War of Worlds...with no "L"





It's a contradiction

Flip it inside out and change my diction

Can't be afraid to spit due to possible verbal friction

Only the scared and fearful chose not to take such a position



L.Boogie and Jay have the ability to call out the Lost Ones

And you can do it too; just let your pen be your Top Gun

No pun…load the ammo and spit fire with words stung

And by the time the song stops, you'll be finishing up a new one.



In this war of worlds with no L

Take a step, look again and what's it spell?

Words—flows, prose, written rhythmic rhymes

Say it slow, at mid-tempo, or fast three times



Work at it, use your mental, and aim to sublime

Wanna win in this war, you can't afford to fall too far behind



With a lack luster piece

That took far too much ease

And is devoid of a steady beat

With wack lines like rhyming heat with…heat



War of words—a steady mental fight

If it's your dream, make sure it takes flight over plight

Never give up before your might sees the light

You have a brain so use it; you have that right.