Just Cause...7/30

Just cause I havent posted in a while
More like a week and a half
Maybe longer

Doesnt mean
That my mind isnt racing
Pacing
Many time's facing
And going over
Many thoughts
Often in prose
Or lyrical form
Rhyme
Poem

Just cause I'm private on my personal life
Keep it to myself
Hold it close like Jay and Bey
And refuse to tell just any ol' body what's going on with me
And mine
And him
And us

Doesnt mean
That it doesnt exist
Or that I can't resist
His touch
Or kiss
Or that my life is devoid of a relative bliss

Just cause I'm busy 8 out of 7 days
And 37 out of 24 hours
Going over my plans
My future
My family
And developments
And coming additions
Surrounding that
And beyond

Really doesn't mean
That I won't
Can't
Or shadn't make time for you
Cause believe it or not
Your story inspires and influences
My life and direction in some
Vicarious way that I can't explain

Just cause I'm a little selfish
And the other part selfLESS
With the goings on in my daily
That have my mind warped around certainty and "maybe"
Half the time
No.....most

Doesn't mean
That when I'm at my selfless portal of thought
And giving myself
And stretching myself thin
That it is okay
To go with said "flow" and
Push the proverbial "envelope" just to see
How far
Or thin
I can stretch

Trust that when I break
I bleed
And trust that my heart
Though it isn't worn fashionably on my sleeve
It's generally open
But closed a bit from past pains
And heartaches

So just know that
Just because I may not be around
Or available when you call
Or need/want to see/chat with me
Things are fine
There comes a time when
We all need to sort through our Life
And shift through the Junk
To find our Center
And clear our Cipher

I'm fine...

Contradicting Mirror (4/30)

Contradicting Mirror



I'm closed off
Yet I'm
Open
Hate vulnerability
Yet I'm
An emotional wreck
A perfectionist by design
But I've been
Bred thru a world of imperfect falsehoods

I feel a lot
Til my
Heart bleeds but
I refuse to hurt again
Love
Again

I see what's what
Yet I'm
Blind and blocked and
Find myself spending time filling the empty spaces with
Hope and love

Or is it that I have hope for love?
Imperfections are more than
Average
Perfections are only slightly less than
The mean

Or do I mean
That I just hope
That my love can
Fill the time and space
And gaps of
Emptiness and depression
With an overall feeling of
Contented happiness?

I doubt it.

Free Prisoner (3/30)

She's a busybody
A self-proclaimed "SuperWoman"
She cooks, cleans, and takes care of others
She's talented, intelligent, and gifted
She holds a college degree and an important job and recently received a promotion for her efforts
She's got it all.

People compliment her striking outside beauty and take notice of her attraction within.
She's strong and willing
She's confident and a healthy mix of selfish and selfless
And people see...but they don't.

They see the masks she wears for the public eye
They see the time she takes out but don't realize its all part of a big lie
Yes she's all you think she may be
But at the same token, she's more
More than you've ever bargained for, from the bookkeeping of a reserved store

She's happy but not satisfied
Fulfilled in all aspects of life still seem to leave her with an empty soul
She's whole and complete and can stand on her own 2 feet
But something deep within leaves her unable to conquer the invisible and intangible feat.

Depression and Insomnia are 2 friends she has but never knew she needed
They show up at her mental doorstep every now and again
Unannounced and definitely uninvited
And always come w/a set of luggage she can never house
Yet they don't take a hint.

They'll leave when they're ready
Their favorite games are hide and seek, peek-a-boo and freeze tag
At times they play w/each other but never without her
Against her will

She's a prisoner still.
Of the free variety.

Beautiful Lie

Beautiful Lie........

Written: 16 Aug 2009

He sees a promising "us"
A world inspired by much
Encompassed in little to no fuss
A life treated with delicate care and a tender touch
And all the embodiments of a life complete:
Love
Support
Trust

It's his "us"

She feels her connection with him is real
The flame ignited between the two of them is all she can truly feel
She moves forward and continues to progress in life but it's only for him would she retreat and reel...
...back to him if he leaves or they part off their much complicated emotional wheel
Her heart is locked to all, but for him, it's unlocked and open for him to steal

When the mirrors are removed and the smoke clears
The mental unclogs and the picture unsmears
What seams far fetched and distant is brought to the forefront, out from the rear

Our own perceptions can take over reality, filling our own heads with lies
Lies so beautiful we can't trust our own minds
The truth is plan to see but our brains make it a near impossibility

If we trust our eyes we'll see that Life's truth isn't far away, tucked down, or left behind
It's oftentimes right in front of our faces; we just can't be afraid to explore what lies inside the depth of our eyes versus the desire hidden within the back of our minds


Mal S

No Pity Party

No Pity Party

In my gloom, come ride with me…or I with you
Take me onto a journey far from my person
An out of body experience would be most appreciated
But por favor, no pity parties

Let’s not bring up the shortcoming I have
Or make mention of my black cloud that’s lingering
It’ll go away once we focus on you…and “us”
And other elements of the outside world
But alas…no pity parties

Let’s not talk about me today
But if by chance I need to vent, all I ask is that you please just be that ear with no mouth
No comforting words or questions plugging for a solution to my problem
No need to try and relate to make me feel so un-alone. It won’t work because I relish in my uniqueness
Allow me to speak, but again—no pity parties

If I’ve vented, let’s move on and erase my day in ice cream
Or a walk on the beach
Perhaps the hustle and bustle surrounding Grant Park & Michigan Avenue will drown out the noise that’s going on in my head
Of course I’ll never tell you this
Cuz a Party of Pity I do not want

I just wanna relish in the sight, smells, and sounds of you—of “us”
I want to build our world without hesitation or reconsideration depending upon my emotional situation
If I’m sad, let me be
But fill my heart, mind, and soul with a natural and unforced peace

I appreciate all you do and your ingenuity does not go unnoticed
I just ask that if I’m haywired mentally and supremely unfocused
And if I’m feeling depressed with my peak dipped down at its lowest
As long as there are no balloons made of tears and cake dressed in sorrow
I promise that there’ll be a better day for me tomorrow
As long as it doesn't include another party