There's Nothing...8/30

Sidebar: This 30/30 is clearly going to go well past April....but the poetry will still be tagged under "April Poetry Month". #DontJurgeMe

There's nothing here to see
Or anything for you to do
Theres nothing to feel
Touch
Smeel
Taste

Gone...

The emotions, still resonating
Just a bit
Lingering on for dear life
Why? Well I've no clue
But they're there
But still....
There's nothing

We both know there's used to be a "something"
A secret
A lie, perhaps
Or maybe it was a truth
Disguised as something in dark clothing we both should have taken heed to long ago

Whatever the case

There's no longer a need to
Feel
Be
Think of
Reminisce on
Or even desire

Because whatever "it" was has been over for ages
Can we both attest to that? Certainly
I've just got to
Sometimes remind myself that
These little feelings of
Love I have--though Im clearly no longer "in"
Are no longer

There's nothing.

Just Cause...7/30

Just cause I havent posted in a while
More like a week and a half
Maybe longer

Doesnt mean
That my mind isnt racing
Pacing
Many time's facing
And going over
Many thoughts
Often in prose
Or lyrical form
Rhyme
Poem

Just cause I'm private on my personal life
Keep it to myself
Hold it close like Jay and Bey
And refuse to tell just any ol' body what's going on with me
And mine
And him
And us

Doesnt mean
That it doesnt exist
Or that I can't resist
His touch
Or kiss
Or that my life is devoid of a relative bliss

Just cause I'm busy 8 out of 7 days
And 37 out of 24 hours
Going over my plans
My future
My family
And developments
And coming additions
Surrounding that
And beyond

Really doesn't mean
That I won't
Can't
Or shadn't make time for you
Cause believe it or not
Your story inspires and influences
My life and direction in some
Vicarious way that I can't explain

Just cause I'm a little selfish
And the other part selfLESS
With the goings on in my daily
That have my mind warped around certainty and "maybe"
Half the time
No.....most

Doesn't mean
That when I'm at my selfless portal of thought
And giving myself
And stretching myself thin
That it is okay
To go with said "flow" and
Push the proverbial "envelope" just to see
How far
Or thin
I can stretch

Trust that when I break
I bleed
And trust that my heart
Though it isn't worn fashionably on my sleeve
It's generally open
But closed a bit from past pains
And heartaches

So just know that
Just because I may not be around
Or available when you call
Or need/want to see/chat with me
Things are fine
There comes a time when
We all need to sort through our Life
And shift through the Junk
To find our Center
And clear our Cipher

I'm fine...

Mates for the Soul (6/30)

He looks into her eyes
Dark brown with golden flecs when the sun hits them
"Almost like looking into a mirror, those eyes", he thinks
Except she's got an Asian undertone about the lids
While his are more slanted and rounded inward

She looks into his pools
Same shape as hers
Maybe a little more squinty
Especially when he is inebriated
But generally similar
Nonetheless

They arent related
Blood only by heritage
Race and culture are the only things that deem them "brother and sister"
They aren't the same
But they are one

They immediately feel a comfort
A balance
An altogether completeness that has never been felt before
With anyone else in like positions

Friends
Best friends
Lovers
Connected

Chats of.....
Intimacy based on.....
The eyes that lock speak a volume so loud they could deafen a crowded room
They don't need to speak
But they do
Even when they don't
That's their "us"

A growing relationship
Plus a connection so strong amongst
Two parallelled individuals
Has equaled
A bliss that captivates and inspires
Onlookers

With the eyes that lock
And the lips that meet
And the touch that electrifies
Their souls
Leave them in a No Outlet Zone
And they can only move upwards

Because the Name of their Love
Needs no title from anyone but them
For they are the authors and illustrators
Of their soul connectedness

Undercover Over-Lover 5/30

You can't tell
And sometimes neither can I
I stay in disguise
Can hardly tell between truth and lie

I'm undercover
A cop
A blue-collar
A pig

But for all intents and purposes
What lies beneath the surface
Of me
And my thoughts
Is him
And my emotions

You see I'm undercover
But I'm not a real cop
No
I'm an undercover overlover

Wait.
Allow me to explain
You see I love passionately
Tenderly
Sexually
Lustfully
Cautiously
Intellectually
Emotionally
Spiritually
And unfortunately.....
Sorta redundantly

I'm a china dish
Delicate and dainty
And also
Breakable and expensive

So I go undercover
Disguise myself
Make myself plastic
Unbreakable
With a tupperware feel
Cheap, even

Can't get hurt so easily
Won't break
The shards of glass that makes up my natural exterior
Are underwraps
Bubblewrapped
Unseen

But its all a lie
I'm an undercover over-lover

I love so hard I hurt myself
Eventually break myself
And as a result
Lose a part of myself

Cuz China's only so strong
Even if put in a tupperware costume
There comes a time where the faux exterior falls

Your Bed (4/30)

I'm laying in your bed
On your side
Where you lied
Throughout the nite
For years up until
Two weeks before you suddenly died

I'm laying in your bed
And almost 7 years later
It still stings even 10 times greater
To accept that you're dead

I'm laying in your bed
Where I now sleep nightly
Clutching my--your blankets tightly
Thoughts of losing your other half ring frighteningly
Disturbing me
Yet slumber coaxing me
With your memory

I'm laying in your bed
'Fraid to sleep in my own space
Cuz since last November my mind refuses to erase
The pain that brought tears I never thought I'd have to face
Over her

She's still here
And I'm grateful
But I'm scared
And you're gone already
With your treasures still aligned throughout the room

I'm laying in your bed
Looking around
She's turned your closet to her spot for her best gowns
But there's still the toys you loved
The Singing Bass, JazzMan, Black Santa and Train Clock
Sitting above

My head
Alongside the headboard
Your passing was so sudden and deep many were left scorned
And burned
And emotionally worn

But as I lay in your bed
I realize how Blessed I am
To have had you in my Life
And her still here as a symbol
Of everything Good
And your memory around the room
Confirms I've nothing to fear

RIP Granddad (Aug 11, 1924-Dec 08, 2003)
A reflection

Temporary Distraction (3/30)

I paid no attention as I focused my attention
On other things
Inside your space, outside your aura, around our shared environment
Your were...

....Invisible

I didn't see you
Weren't checking
Nothing
Blind

Our eyes met when I drew you in from my peripheral
Locked for a second
Then I looked away
To focus on my drink
My food
A convo with my homegirl
A text my guy sent me

But clearly you're interested

Ask for my name
Number
When you can take me out
All while giving me hugs
And stroking my hair
Complimenting my curves on my small frame
And smile

All the while I
Sip my mojito
Take a bite out of my hummus pita
Tell my homegirl I'm headed to the restroom
Respond to my guy's text

And bat an eyelash and smile and laugh at your
Small jokes
Attempts to get me interested
In you
Or at least, the "you" put on display

You ask if I have a guy, if I'm single at all
I don't deny, but to protect your game and ego I
Just nod my head slowly
With a passionate yet discreet, "and its getting serious" look on my face

I know I'm not interested
But
You know I'm entertained
You're a very brief, very temporary and thereby insignificant
Distraction

And I appreciate your efforts

But I've gotta take this phone call

He needs me....

Regal Tress (2/30)

Natural hair don't care
Wild and untamed standing absent-mindedly in mid-air
Onlookers wonder why or how and even what
But it's just there
It's just there

Without a care

Filled to it's fuzzy, curly, kinky brim with flair
Fashionably fit to be the focus of the focal
Oooh that hair
Folks who can't fanthom stop and stare
Create a wrath with the beauty in order to parallel or offset its wonder

Those locs tied down, pinned back and locked
Holds a volume--a stance that's so effortlessly rocked
Possessing a vulnerability with little compatibility by anything other than its likeness

Deep breaths and shallow exhales
Beholds a glorious wonder within
...the strands that have a natural penchant to silently chant and proudly stand

Here to stay and stay to hear
Witnessing the wonder that is a black woman's natural hair!

(c) Ms_Slim

Spoon-Fed (1/30)

I wanna write about you
But I'm right about you
Conflicts with my frontal as I battle a heart that'll bleed out its cavity
And onto the floor

Still, I...

....I wanna hold you
Mold you--through the dry spells where you break and I phlebotomize
I wonder and hypothesize
Not of the realness we possess but the tests given and the ratio of pass/fail
And margin of error

...United stand
Apart fall
Fell
Failed
Fail

Wait and anticipate a ringing sensation that isn't just orgasmic
But also beautifully tragic....

April's 30/30....

Wow! Its really been 3 month since I've posted here, huh? Fact is....aside from having so much going on, its also harder for me to write anything marginally good when everything in Life is going well. May not make much sense but I def work best when ubder pressure, when I'm "feeling some kinda way"...when I'm down out and depressed. For the most part, I've been too happy to construct anything "meaningful",but....

Its now springtime and April, which all translates to it being Poetry Month. So of course this means......New 30/30. I slacked terribly last time on the 30/30, but I'm going to put forth a greater effort this go round. Just watch.....

Ms_Slom :)